Yesterday, was arguably the best day of my life. I spent the day at Wrestlecade, a professional wrestling convention, with my wife and good friend Jimmy. It was my first real weekend trip in almost two years and I was able to immerse myself in a hobby and passion of mine: pro wrestling.
Pretty much everyone I met exceeded expectations and I had some genuine moments between myself and some of the athletes I follow and support. I got to do all this along side my wife and one of my oldest friends and that just made it a magical experience. I spend most of my days interacting with people I do not relate to. People I can’t have good conversations with because my interests do not involve politics, current events, or celebrities. I’d much rather geek out about cult films, retro goodness, and video games. I realize now, as I’ve gotten older, this has left me more and more isolated and rather lonely in a way. I basically have to wait for a convention of some sort to roll around before I can find myself surrounded by like-minded individuals in person. I have some great friends online also share the same interests as myself, just no one nearby and in person. And I guess I didn’t realize how the absence of real-life friends has effected me.
I came home and my mother asked about the trip and I went to show her some pictures. I could see it in her eyes the moments I pulled one up, she didn’t care. She has never cared. My parents have never shared any of my interests and when it comes to something like a convention, they can even less than usual. Of course, they love to discuss their RV trips and show off all their boring pictures, the difference between myself and them is I’m at least polite enough to support their enthusiasm.
I work alone two days out of the week and the other three days I’m visited by a single co-worker (a different co-worker on each of the three days) and there just isn’t a reason to connect. Two of the co-workers are old enough to be my mother and the other is absorbed with her children. I don’t even have that one person in the office that I can chat about the latest movies. There is just nothing.
I woke up this morning, coming down from two incredible days, and I found myself depressed and angry. I hate the fact that I must go back into the office tomorrow. I hate that my magical weekend has come to a close. I have a few upcoming wrestling events to look forward to, so I’m hoping that’ll get me by, but I’ve realized two things:
- I need to find a new job.
- I need to go back to therapy.
I had already been exploring the options of therapy over the past couple weeks. I’ll try to expedite that process while I wait for some of the bonuses coming my way via my job are distributed. Once I get those, I’m going to start looking.