Before I get started, I’d like to apologize if you got spammed with a ton of email or RSS posts from me. I was working on a few things and ended up republishing my entire blog, including stuff in Drafts. It’s a long story, but I do apologize for any inconvenience.
I’ve decided to talk about something on here I wasn’t originally planning to, but I’m hoping that maybe opening up a bit will do me some good.
I’m currently writing from a quiet hotel room. My wife has a huge meeting for her job and she asked me to attend because she was still a little shaken from the attack we had a few weeks ago. I obliged, not only am I able to comfort her, it also gets me out of the insanely stressful house we live in currently.
$420,000 is the current average home price in my county and the two surrounding counties. One bedrooms apartments average $1500 a month. Needless to say, the economy has put us in a very uncomfortable spot being stuck where we are living without a real solution. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about today.
I’ve been dealing with some effects of the incident at Sheetz from a few weeks ago. As I mentioned in my post, I was calm, relaxed, and felt like I handled things well. The first bit of irritation from the event occurred a few days after, when I became frustrated with hearing “Oh, I wouldn’t kicked his ass” or “I would have shot him.” Everyone had an opinion and everyone’s opinion was I didn’t man up enough and make the incident worse. I took comfort in realizing that most of people who ran their mouth had never encountered any similar situation, and statistically they would have froze and not done shit and/or made the situation worse.
Life has moved on and I really hadn’t given it much thought. It was just an unfortunate event of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Then, yesterday, I made my first trip to Walmart in many months. Like everyone else, I hate going into Walmart, so I avoid it until I absolutely can’t avoid it anymore. I needed a handful of things to prepare for this five day hotel excursion so I walked in and went about my shopping business.
I wasn’t in there long before I noticed a very uneasy feeling arising inside of me. I ran into a guy who gave me a weird look both times. I thought he was following me. I assured myself I was mistaken, but the rest of my shopping trip was plagued with an uncomfortableness. I wasn’t happy walking down places where I couldn’t see around corners. I didn’t like having someone behind me. I profiled the hell out of people and anyone who looked similar to the guy who attacked us fell into that category of not feeling comfortable around.
I did my shopping and made it to the car. I didn’t freak out or anything, but I felt incredibly unsafe. It was so strange, because I haven’t had any issues and I’ve been grocery shopping and everything else for weeks.
Today, I visited another Walmart to grab a few things I forgot. I didn’t have the same experience, but I did find myself jumpy. Someone got loud inside their car as I was walking out of the store and it scared me. Another person was walking intently and I immediately entered fight/flight/freeze mode. It’s absolutely mind blowing how uncomfortable I suddenly feel. I don’t even know how to handle this.
I’m sure hyper-vigilance is not uncommon in a situation like mine. Maybe this is just a passing sensation that was triggered because I felt like I was traveling due to the hotel stay (I was staying in a hotel at the time of the attack.)
I’m not really sure what to think, I just thought that maybe writing about it would help a little.