What is the holiday spirit? Is it the desire to be merry, engage in gift giving, or just be in the mood for Christmas music? I don’t really know, I just know that this year it’s escaping me.
I had plans to watch a ton of Christmas movies and binge my 90’s Christmas sitcoms, but with exception of the Festivus episode of Seinfeld, I’ve done neither. Heck, I’ve only watched one movie so far this month.
I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, I am in a strange living situation that only gotten more complicated beginning in December. We have a Christmas tree up and presents, and my mom has decorated the house, but there isn’t enough seating downstairs for everyone who lives here now and that means I’ve retreated into my room more and more as of late. I don’t really have room for decorations in my room, so outside of my Mini-Stay Puft Ghostbusters ornament and a TurboMan Funko Pop, there isn’t much around that screams Christmas.
I also work alone and back when I worked at the hospital we had a massive tree, wreaths, and poinsettias everywhere. I work in just about the most sterile office building I’ve ever seen now and there is no holiday joy to be found there.
It’s obviously not everyone else’s responsibility to get me in the holiday spirit. I could easily go buy some decorations for my office, but I’m just struggling to feel it this year. My work has become almost insulting as of late, and I spent most of my day looking for a new job. Then, in what may seem like a Christmas miracle, the agency that I worked for managed to take advantage of some new rules and I got a $2,000 raise out of no where. That doesn’t include the state raise of 2.5% coming next month nor the backpay from May. So, that is some awesome, awesome news.
Sadly, not all of my news today was great. I learned this morning, that my uncle is coming to visit for Christmas. You know, we all have that one family member who is a total piece of trash, and that is my uncle Mike. He’s the guy who has been in and out of jail since he was a teenager. He’s robbed just about every family member, cost my grandmother and grandfather their homes when they were in their 60’s, and he even went behind my family’s back and had my grandfather’s pain at the end of his life prolonged, so he could continue to collect his social security check. He’s a person, I have no tolerance for, nor any respect.
My mother feels some sort of responsibility for him since my grandparents have passed. She feels that from beyond the grave they expect her to watch over him and not exclude him. It’s crazy, because he’s lied and hurt my mom non-stop his entire adult life. Still, she refuses to shun him. He’s reached possibly the end of his life with a lung cancer diagnosis, so she’s insistent on him being here. My only hope is he’s too ill to make the trip.
It’s been a weird day. I got some great news (more money) and some terrible news (my uncle is coming). I’m going to do my best to lean into the good news and hope that I can conjure up some holiday excitement over the next week.