I’ve done my best at keeping this blog as positive as possible. I refuse to allow it to turn into a place where I just vent and complain because no one wants to read that, including me. However, I’d be amiss if I didn’t write a little about something that’s been on my mind lately.
Yesterday, I sat down and wrote and vented. Then I deleted it, listened to some angry music, came home and relaxed, and wrote up feeling a bit better. I feel like I mostly completed that cycle of emotions but I figure a few words on the subject may do me a little more good.
I’m officially out of damn to give.
I won’t list out everything that has been going on for the past two years, but it seems that around January 2018 this all began and it’s just hasn’t let up since. For some people, this may not be a big deal, but for a guy like me who hates drama, this really sucks.
It seems like I go from one fire to another. One major stressor to the next and I stupidly take on too much. I try to help, be supportive, be the good guy, and do what’s right and I suffer. I don’t honestly know if I do anything good for others and instead take their problems upon myself and I suffer with them. I guess, I just care too much sometimes.
Yesterday, I found myself quite angry. I was angry at all sorts of situations, injustices, and frustrations. I was sick of trying too hard and getting nowhere. I was sick of beating myself up and listening to other people’s opinions. I just needed a break.
I feel like talking about this with Brandy and writing it out helped, but I got to put things in motion. I got to start letting things go and choosing what I want to give a fork about. My empathy has gotten the best of me and it’s time to pull back.
About ten years ago, I got into Jimmy Buffett pretty hardcore. I really liked the laid back, beach music scene and despite not being a partier I just liked the idea of chilling the fork out. I recall Jimmy released a song called Summercoolz. It wasn’t very good (I mean, look at the title and how it’s spelled, you know it was lame), but it came out at the time of the recession and in the lyrics Jimmy mentioned that he refused to participate in the recession. That’s easy for a millionaire to say, but I think what he was trying to get across is there is a state of mind when it comes to things. You can decide whether to be affected by something or not. You just have to consciously decide whether or not you are going to accept this battle and take ownership of it.
I’ve thought a lot about that stupid lyric, because I’ve got to refuse to participate a little more. I’ve got to back off and choose the quieter more simple life. I feel like I’ve done a great job of pulling away from some of the stresses of social media, but now I got to consciously choose to care less in other more demanding situations. I got to accept that not everyone’s struggles are my own and I need to let stuff go in one ear and right out the other.
So, that’s what I’ll be working on in regards to myself. Now back to the goofy stories and random observations.