I woke up this morning not feeling so hot. All the effort I poured into being more positive and not taking things so serious came rushing out when I rolled out of bed and had “A Whole New World” stuck in my head. While showering, I battled an Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast mixtape in my head and realized that despite getting extra sleep, I wasn’t peppy. I certainly did not wake up with that carefree attitude that I hoped to have.
As the soothing tunes of The Bloodhound Gang’s “Three Point One Four” played on my way to work (washing my palette clean of the Disney songs), I wondered where I went wrong. Last night, I went home and took it easy. I intentionally choose not to take on other people’s problems and I choose to not take things so seriously. And ya know what? It felt good.
But I guess while I slept, something reset and I woke up in my same old “I gotta fix everything” mode. Suddenly, my jaw was clenched, my to do list looked long, and the pressure to stay on top of everything was present.
I can’t help but to think back when I was a kid and I was called a worry wart by my father quite often. He’d constantly tell me to stop worry and be more like my little brother, who for the record, never took things seriously. But I was the mature and responsible one, and if I didn’t take on the responsibilities they wouldn’t ever get done. So, from an early age, I realized that I needed to stay on top of things, so that I didn’t forget them or they didn’t have a chance to get out of control. I guess you can say I was a bit of a control freak as well as a worry wart.
Now, I’m thirty-six and in a way dealing with the same things. I credit my creation of lists and my responsibility to making life easier on me, but damn if it isn’t a bit overwhelming at time, usually when I find myself short on mental energy like I have been as of late.
I’m thinking I need to take a small break from responsibility. I need to kick back and stop this whole goal setting, constant need for self-improvement, and forward momentum. I think I just need to exist and just be for a while. Get to things when I can and not allow my to-do list to loom over me. I also need to find a phrase or some way to remind myself that life is short and none of this is worth worrying about.
No one told me that I was going to have to worry about this stupid shirt in school. I wish someone could have taken a few moments to talk about mental health, being positive, stress reduction, and maybe even budgeting instead of focusing on all that useless crap that we learned and then quickly forgot. Quadratic equations anyone?
(Note: I actually Googled hydratic equations because I couldn’t remember that it was actually quadratic equations if that tells you anything about how useless those were to me.)
Being a forking adult sucks.
Soundtrack of the Day:
“Three Point One Four” by The Bloodhound Gang
“A Whole New World” from Aladdin
“Belle” from Beauty and the Beast