Hello. My name is Brandon.
You may know me as the guy who has run a couple dozen blogs over the years, and hardly ever sticks with one more than a couple of months. I’m that guy who gets excited about an idea, does a ton of writing over a few days, sends out the link to my friends, and then I quit. I usually decide I’d rather write on paper or I’m being inauthentic, because I’m censoring myself for an audience. Then, I feel bad about wasting my friends time and I convince myself I’m a shirt writer and go back to doing nothing while shamefully hiding under the shadow of my tiny internet failure that no on truly cared about to begin with. How could they, I never really even started?
I think the problem was, blogging stopped being fun. It was something I just did when I was bored, lonely, or frustrated, and I did it more out of habit than I did out of enjoyment. I wasn’t proud of what I was writing and the different niches and angles that I approached didn’t keep my interest for very long. Writing became a chore and nothing you love should ever become that.
Writing wasn’t the only thing that became a chore. Reading certain books, video games, TV shows and movies also became tedious and unenjoyable. I’m not sure if my age finally caught up with me or if my interests changed, but I found myself in my mid-thirties questioning everything I once believed to be true. I realized that I was sort of on autopilot and I did things and kept up with things not out of passion and love, but out of habit. A great example would be NASCAR, a sport I haven’t watched in over fifteen years. Despite not watching NASCAR, nor caring for what the sport has become, I still checked in on NASCAR news almost daily. I still frequented racing forums and rumor sites. I wasted time every week staying in the know about something I didn’t even care for. Why? Because it’s what I’ve always done for the past twenty years and I think part of me loved being the guy who knows everything. So, I stayed up to date not so much for my own sake, but in case a random conversation about NASCAR happened, I could pitch in and discuss. Take a guess how many random NASCAR conversations have occurred in the last fifteen years? Yea… zero.
So, as 2020 approached, I decided I needed to break some of these habits and reset to zero. I started by removing everything off of my social media and then slowly adding only that which was important back. Then I started decluttering both in real life and digitally. I got rid of almost all of my DVDs, and gave up on TV shows and video games I was puttering through for years. I went online, found Wikis or season summaries, and just read how many of the TV shows that I was forcing myself to finish actually ended. This gave me a sense of completion and allowed me to move on from them.
Then right before the New Year, I decided to hop off social media so I could focus on some family issues, my mental health, and really determine what was important to me. I stopped writing and just lived, until today, the eighth of January, when my desire to express myself came full circle and this blog was born.