I’m at my best when I’m living a simple life. The times when I’m not compelled to keep up with television, writing, sports, etc., are when I feel most at ease. These seems to be a more natural rhythm to how I would live without outside pressure (peer, marketing, FOMO), and I utilize this free time simplifying and cultivating peace.
The last few months have been difficult. There’s been friction in my life. There is some lingering family drama, this house buying ordeal, and questions about how satisfaction with my work. My free time has been spent exploring the past and very little has been done about my present state of mind. I’ve spent very little time trying to find peace and quiet in my life, and instead have been trying to cram as much entertainment into my skull as possible.
While television can be a healthy distraction, I feel like I’ve neglected myself too much in exchange of trying to keep on top of things. With that being said, I’ve suffered some extreme back pain that I feel like could have been lessen by a healthy exercise routine as well as anxiety that could have been lessen by more regular journaling. I guess what I’m saying is, I’ve been watching TV instead of doing the things my body needs.
Beginning today, I’m changing this. I need to get back on track for a more peaceful life and this is the first step.
Last week, I almost bought a home. It would have been my first home and a big milestone for me. Unfortunately, after the inspection, I began estimating the costs of repairs that would be needed in the next five years and the house no longer seemed desirable.
I’m on the wrong side of history with house buying. The pandemic accelerated prices to all-time highs and now the interest rates just keep rising. The market where I live in one of the strongest economies in the country, but also has an average of almost $500k for housing. It’s not an ideal situation to be in. In fact, my wife and I have even discussed leaving North Carolina to try and find somewhere more affordable to live.
The ups and downs of this home buying process has changed me. It’s put things in perspective for me. I’ve had to take the time to really prioritize my spending, my interests, and what brings happiness into my life. While doing this sort of assessment, I discovered that maybe where I spend some of my money isn’t always the most productive.
I turn thirty-nine in about a month, which means I’m that much closer to forty. It’s really messing with my head. So, much of my life has passed by and I don’t feel I’m anywhere close to where I wanted to be. It makes me sad.
Where we go next on this house buying journey is up in the air. Our options are:
1. Keep looking for a house (our lease is up in February).
2. Find a different apartment to move into, buy a bed and sofa to make life more manageable and save up/decide on what to do over the next year.
3. Pack up and leave North Carolina (the least likely, we would probably do #2 first and then leave.)
It’s frustrating because I just want to make a living and live a basic life, but I guess that isn’t as easy as it once was.
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